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Professional Contestants

Nov 30, 2020

Oof. Episode one hundred and thirty-seven huh? It’s about time we made some coin from this thing. This is a labor of love, of course, but come on: these boys gotta eat. It’s about time we pull a Friends and get ourselves syndicated. That’s still a thing, right? 

Zach explains how to heckle, Jared starts a...


Nov 23, 2020

We spend 20+ minutes talking about the rat guy from Harry Potter. Yeah, the man who turned into a rat and lived in Ron’s pocket for 5 years. There’s other stuff in there too, and it’s all really funny, but most of this episode is dedicated to the rat discussion. Just wanted to give you a heads up.

Zach brings up...


Nov 16, 2020

A spectre is haunting CBS - the spectre of Baby Geniuses. For too long Les Moonves has exploited the cuteness of children: but children are smarter than we think, and the Contestants will see these babies get the full value of their labor. Come, Babies! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Zach coaches Little...


Nov 9, 2020

Ah, shoot. Professional assassin Scaramanga tied James Bond up to a death trap and has absolutely RUINED the communal entertainment space on his condo’s roof. The HOA warned him about this behavior, and now Scaramanga has a PERMANENT BAN from the building. He’s out of luck, but three idiots need help winning a...